How Girlz rate Guyz?

<>Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery than girls themselves.

It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking about guy friends that gals have.

Do you have a gal who is just a friend? Are confused why the frequency of calls increases as exams loom closer? Or why she always hangs around with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a ready reckoner for you:

********
% just a friend %
Well, you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Shilpa??"

Shilpa: "None of your business" and bangs the phone.(Useless fellow.Hmmph! ).

********

% Good Friend %

You are like a TV remote control. I need you and I know that. But I try using you when I really need you.

Rahul calls: "Hi Shilpa",

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am going out with family I will call you back. Bye" (Shilpa calls back after two days)

Shilpa: "What do you want Rahul? Why did you call that day?".

Rahul: "Generally".

Shilpa: "Oh ok. I got to go out. Will call you later. Bye."Will call when she needs lecture notes or some concert tickets.


********

% Very good friend %

Well you are like the pressure cooker safety value for the girl.She will need you when she wants to bring out her pain or anger on someone. Basically, she wants to talk to you. And you are special to her.

Shilpa: "You know Rahul, Shekhar is not eating. He doesn't sleep and is not able to concentrate on his studies. I think he doesn't like me anymore. And yesterday I saw him with another girl".

Rahul: "Who is Shekhar??"

Shilpa : "My boyfriend."

Rahul: Oh! Ok. :-(

********

% Best Friend %

You are like the auto rickshaw driver. She can't live without you.And don't be mistaken. You are not her boyfriend. But you are allowed to take her little doggie around the park so that he (not you!) can have fun. Rahul Shopping. Rahul Movie. Rahul Coffee. Rahul,you pay. I am having fun.Rahul is now sure that he should go ahead and propose. He dares.Shilpa: "But I thought we were just friends. We should remain friends . Plus, I have a boy friend you know that."Rahul: What?? (Rahul drinks all night).

********

% Best of the Bestest Friends %

Ok now you are really special.You are dad-cum-boyfriend- cum-brother- cum-everything.Ultimately you are the darling servant of the girl. You take her around.You make her project.You do her assignments. You are allowed to take her doggie around. You can hold hands on the beach.You can see the sun set with her (because she wants to do everything she drags you along). But but but... Don't be mistaken. She has a boyfriend who works for a huge software company and earns 3 times the salary you earn and has a flat in PoesGardenor Boat Club or Hiranandani area.

Shilpa: "Hi Rahul. I am getting engaged to Shekhar. Shekhar this is Rahul, he is my bestest friend".

Rahul: Hi Shekhar . (Hand shake. Shekhar breaks Rahul's wrist).Rahul is now heart broken and wrist broken.

********
% Boyfriend %
Uh... No comments dude. You're already Gone!
******** Now ~ where you stand?********

Award winning joke

Hi Frds

go through it

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous.
They are alwaysgetting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in

their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town

had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The

preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.So the mother sent the 8 year old first,

in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.The preacher, a huge

man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know

where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there

wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an

evensterner tone, "Where is God?!"Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher

raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,"Where is

God?!"The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet,

slamming the door behind him.When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what

happened?"The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "Weare in BIG trouble this time.


........


scroll down


........

.........

...

("I really LOVED reading next line again and again")

............

..scroll down........

.........

..

............
........
.........

...........
.........
..................
........
............
...........
............

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

Smart Indians

An Indian walks into a New York's City bank office and requests to see the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on a business trip for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says, the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of his new Rolls
Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything is checked out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled."
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The Indian replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks just for 15 bucks?"

Cheers!Indians are Indians..... . Smart brains

Software Professional' s Love Letter

Dear Ms. Baby,

I saw you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time, I've been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just an uncompiled program without you that never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You not only have a beautiful face, but all your Activex controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful that it ncourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt all my program modules running smoothly and giving expected results, which I have never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey that, if we linked together, I'll provide you with all the objects and libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life. Also don't bother about the firewall, which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them accept our marriage.

I anticipate that nobody is already logged into your database so that my connect script would fail. And it's all certain that if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.Only yours,Software Professional.

Difference Between You and Yours Boss

Differences between you and your boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

Kabir Vani and Software Engineer (SE)

Kabir Vani and Software Engineer (SE)
************ ********* ********* ********

Kabir :Aisi baani boliye, man ka aapa khoye Auron ko sheetal kare, aaphi sheetal hoye
SE:Aisa presentation dijiye, man ka aapa khoye, Auron ko confuse kare, aaphi confuse hoye
Kabir :Guru Govind doyu khade, kaake laagu payeBalihari guru aapke, govind diyo bataye
SE :Client aur manager doyu khade, kaake laagu payeBalihaari client aapke, manager diyo bataye.
Rahim :Rahiman dhaaga prem ka, mat todo chatkayetode se fir jude na, jude gaanth pad jaaye
SE :SE confidence manager, mat todo chatkayeProject to barbaad hoye hi, appraisal mein waat lag jaye.
Kabir :Dheere dheere re mana, dheere sab kuch hoye,Maali seenche sow ghara, ritu aaye phal hoye
SE :Dheere dheere re project leader, dheere project execute hoye,client dikhaye kitni bhi urgency, release deadline ke baad hi hoye..
Kabir :Jab Tun Aaya Jagat Mein , Log Hanse Tu RoyeAise Karni Na Kari , Pache Hanse Sab roye
SE :Jab project aaye company mein, client hase hum roye,Aisi karni na kari , tu hase client roye...
Kabir:Dukh Mein Sumiran Sab Kare , Sukh Mein Kare Na KoyeJo Sukh Mein Sumiran Kare , Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye
SE:Rush hour mein kaam sab karen , routine mein kare na koye,jo routine mein sab kaam kare, to rush hour kaahe hoye.
Kabir :Pothhi padh padh jag mooya, pandit bhaya na koye,Dhai aakhar prem ka, padhe so pandit hoye
SE :Coding kar ar jag mooya, programmer bhaya na koye,Do shabd copy-paste ke, kare so programmer hoye.
Kabir :Chalati chakki dekh ke, diya Kabira roye,Do paatan ke beechmein, saabut bacha na koye
SE:Client aur manager ko dekhke, engineers saare roye,Deadline meet karne ke chakkar mein, saabut bacha na koye.
Kabir:Chinta Aisee Dakini, Kat Kaleja KhayeVaid Bichara Kya Kare , Kahan Tak Dawa Lagaye
SE:Deadline aisi dakini, man ka tension badhaaye,kaam itna ho sar par, time pe complete kaise ho paaye.
Kabir:Maala To Kar Mein Phire , Jeebh Phire Mukh MahinManua To Chahun Dish Phire, Yeh To Sumiran Nahin
SE:Engineer gaye sab cigarette peene, Leader phire office maahin,Cubicle se jyaada time canteen pe rahe, yeh to dedication naahin

Santa singh and Banta singh -> Dumb & Dumber!!

Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta singh : Yes, I have
Santa singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta singh : Thats nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?
Santa singh : Yes, I have.
Banta singh : Well, my father killed it.


Question 1: What gets bigger as you take more out of it?
Answer: A hole, brainiac!


Question 2: You are traveling on an electric train north. The wind is headed south,
against you. You make two 45 degree left-turns. The wind doesn't change directions, and the
track doesn't twist. When you're about to stop at your destination, what direction is the smoke

from the train blowing, if
the wind speed is stronger than the train's speed?

Answer: Nowhere. An electric train doesn't blow steam.

Question 3: You and your family drive from your home in South Carolina (which is a state on
the east coast for those of you who aren't familiar with the location of states in our country) to

the beach. That takes you about an hour, as you don't live too far away. You and your family
sit on the beach, waiting for the sunset. It doesn't come. There is nothing blocking your view of
the ocean. You don't look the other way or close your eyes. There isn't some once-in-a-blue-
moon eclipse or something that is affecting the sunset. Why don't you see it?

Answer: The sun sets in the west for those of you checking your compases.

Laughter is an instant vacation

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
************ *** Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?Customer: What other colors do you have?
************ ***Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help. Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
************ ***Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
************ ***Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
************ ***Diner: You'll drive me to my grave! Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
************ ***Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.Wife: I think he did , I still got mine with me!
************ ***Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
************ ***Father: Your teacher says she finds it Impossible to teach you anything! Son: That's why I say she's no good!
************ ***

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

• Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
• Our Death is our Closing Balance!
• Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
• Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
• 
  Heart is our Current Asset
• Soul is our Fixed Asset
• Brain is our Fixed Deposit
• Thinking is our Current Account
• Achievements are our Capital Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
• Friends are our General Reserves
• Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
• Patience is our Interest Earned Love is our Dividend
• Children are our Bonus Issues
• Education is Brands / Patents
• Knowledge is our Investment
• Experience is our Premium Account
• The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
• The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.